Nigerians’ new conversations on divorce
By Stacy Ukaobasi O
Hypothetically, I will begin this reflection on the current Nigerian trend concerning separation in marriage or divorce, by actually affirming that many people are still in abusive marriages because of what other people would say to them. Most Nigeran Women married to Nigerians even in the advanced nations of America especially, are enduring different types of emotional and physical abuses from their men. Peaope are dying both home and abroad because they are trying to maintain not being called divorcees. No day passes in Nigeria without the press reporting about a dozen or more cases of domestic violence that have led to fatalities. Even in the media today in Nigeria there is this report of a man who stabbed his wife to death in a part of Lagos State and has been arrested by the Lagos State police command. In Akwa Ibom State few weeks back, a man identified by some reports as a pastor, was arrested after he macheted and cut his wife into many parts just because of accusation of infidelity. When he committed the atrocious act, neighbours called the police but the killer hid himself in the ceiling but was smoked out by the police. She endured the abusive marriage that has now caused her demise because she was afraid of the opinions of neighbours who would criticise her for walking out of her marriage and becoming a divorcee. Shocking and gruesome as these cases may seem, deaths of wives from domestic violence are not rare. This is because this writer has seen a situation where someone was sexually harassed by a married man and she complained to the wife and during the conversation she asked her are you not divorced? This is a woman who stood her ground and rejected an advance from a married man who happens to be a family friend but the question she got was are you not divorced? This degradation and undervalued rating of divorced women is the leading contributory factor making women to endure abuses and remain in violence prone- marriages to their own detriment.
So, do not be shocked if I categorically assert that people are dying from domestic violence even abroad and they still sticking in just to maintain not being talked about back home and those who summoned courage to walk away from it get so much bashing and called names by society and it’s even worse some of the negativity come from their fellow women. Where then is the feminine solidarity and togetherness that should strengthen women in marriages to stand against abusive marriages?
Emotional abuse/verbal abuse:
On the sub-theme of physical abuse which is domestic violence that has destroyed alot of women,left them on wheel chairs or even caused their deaths, I will say that there is no other way of finding any kind of support for this self-destructive lifestyle of remaining in abusive marriages because we are afraid of criticisms or even traditional stigmatisation back in Nigeria. This angle of my story brings me closer to an imagination of what happened to the popular Nigerian Igbo born Gospel Musician and singer Mrs. Osinachi who remained in persistent abusive marriage until the man she called her husband sent her to the World beyond.If I may ask, was she not financially independent? Yet It happened to her. Poverty is not the main cause of domestic violence. The truth is that in conservative Nigerian society, most people still cling to the traditional outlook that marriage celebrated in traditional settings had many years back. Many people still hold the perspective that married couples should patch up their differences and stick together till death do them part. To demonstrate how deep this perspective is, a blogger recently shared the view of one of Nigeria’s most beloved Actresses who is from the South East of Nigeria and who goes by the name Patience Ozokwor. Patience Ozokwor was quoted as saying that modern marriages are breaking up so fast because partners, especially women no longer have patience and are exposed to a lot of information that presents the picture of a liberated womanhood which is attained by a woman not accepting mistreatment by the husbands. Ozokwor was quoted to have said that in those days of her parents, even when a woman caught her husband with another woman in their matrimonial homes, such infractions were not too heavy enough to result in divorce. This hard-core conservative and traditional view of marriage made by Patience Ozokwor was actually faulted by some observers who dropped comments to show that enduring domestic violence in marriages is an unacceptable behaviour because of the risks of death of the abused partner.
However, Churches are also opposed to divorce and preach that married couples should endure whatever happens in their homes because marriage is for better or for worse. The National President of Zumunta Mata Katolika, a Catholic Women’s group predominantly from the Northern part of Nigeria, had expressed concern over the high rate of divorce in the West African nation.
In an interview with ACI Africa on the sidelines of a one-day sensitization program for Zumunta Mata Katolika in the Catholic Archdiocese of Abuja to mark the 2025 International Women’s Day (IWD), Patricia Daniel lamented that the sacred institution of marriage is being undermined.
“We are losing our sense of the sacred. Marriage is not just a social contract; it is a sacred covenant before God. But today, secular influences have made people disregard its sanctity,” Patricia told ACI Africa on March 8.
She added, “A man and a woman unite in marriage, which is a bond that should last until death. But today, many couples separate within months because they do not place God at the heart of their union.”
“No one should intervene destructively in a marriage. The only one allowed into the center of your marriage is Jesus Christ. If you let Him in, despite the challenges you face, He will provide,” Patricia said.
She appreciated the Church’s efforts in promoting strong marriages and attributed the erosion of family values to “immense” negative societal influence.
“The Church is doing its best, but the pressure from society is immense. Look at what is portrayed on television and what happens on the streets. Families no longer uphold values, and even in schools, children are taught to cheat and bribe their way through,” the President of Zumunta Mata Katolika in Nigeria told ACI Africa.
She called for a revival of moral values and a return to traditions that upheld the dignity of marriage. She said, “Marriage is not a temporary relationship that can be discarded at will. It is an institution ordained by God and must be given the dignity it deserves.”
“Even in our local cultures, marriage was treated with deep reverence. We need to reclaim that sense of responsibility and dignity,” Patricia said, adding that traditionally, “marriage was not taken lightly; it was sacred. We need to reclaim that sense of responsibility and dignity.”
Researchers in Nigeria pointed to the recent announcement by popular musician, Tuface Idibia, that he is getting a divorce from his wife Anne, as an incident that has brought the conversation about divorce back to prominence. There is a growing divorce rate in Nigerian marriages which has its effects on society, so says a researcher who came up with a report recently.
The report from divorce.com shows that out of 26 countries, Nigeria has the 11th highest divorce rate, and the report showed that women in Sub-Saharan Africa, especially in Nigeria, are more actively involved in filing for divorce compared to men.
The report claimed that Nigeria’s divorce rate reached 2.9 per cent in 2023 based on available data on marriage and divorce, which translates to 1.8 per cent divorces per 1,000 people in the same year.
Of the countries with the highest divorce rate, Maldives tops the list with 5.52 percent of divorce cases while India has the lowest rate at 0.01 percent.
Research shows that some of the factors fueling divorces include lack of trust, infidelity, domestic violence, communication problems, lack of commitment, financial problems, in-laws interference,alcoholism/substance abuse, intimacy issues, constant arguing and incompatibility.
Amongst the aforementioned, domestic violence contributes largely to the growing rate of divorce in Nigeria because domestic abuses have become a pervasive menace, no thanks to the delays in the dispensation of justice in Nigeria.
A recent report by a journalist of Vanguard Newspapers observed rightly that this silent pandemic continues to erode the social fabric of Nigeria, hindering progress and leaving countless individuals, particularly women and children, traumatised and suffering.
According to a 2019 survey by the Nigerian National Bureau of Statistics, 30% of Nigerian women aged 15-49 have experienced physical violence, while a shocking 68% have encountered emotional, economic, or sexual abuse. These figures are undoubtedly underreported, as survivors often face various barriers in seeking help, including cultural stigmas, fear of retribution, and lack of trust in the legal system.
The causes of domestic violence in Nigeria are deeply rooted in multiple factors, including gender inequality, harmful cultural practices, poverty, and lack of education. The persistent adherence to patriarchal norms and beliefs contributes significantly to the perpetration of violence against women, with women often being seen as subordinate to men and their opinions and needs disregarded. Moreover, it is observed that harmful practices such as child marriage, female genital mutilation, and the dowry system further perpetuate violence within marital relationships. To elaborate more on the issue, one of them to be addressed is Legislative Measures: Efforts to combat domestic violence must begin with robust legislation. Nigeria’s government has taken steps towards addressing this issue with the enactment of the Violence Against Persons(Prohibition) Act in 2015, which criminalises various forms of violence and provides avenues for support and justice to survivors. However, effective implementation and enforcement of these laws are vital to create a deterrent against domestic violence.
Apart from Lagos State, other states within the jurisprudence of Nigeria are inefficient and ineffective in confronting the hydra-headed monsters of domestic violence, especially within families and marriages. Until the law against these heinous crimes of domestic violence is enforced strictly and stringent judicial sanctions imposed on abusers, women and girls who are abused in marriages will continue to embrace the dissolution of marriages and divorces as the panacea. Divorce is actually no longer a taboo to most educated, economically empowered Nigerian ladies. Only women from disadvantaged backgrounds would continue to view divorce or dissolution of marriage as a death sentence because many of these victims of domestic violence who endure these abuses in their marriage actually went into marriage as a way to escape from poverty and deprivation.
*Stacy ukaobasi o, a US-based activist is the founder of FORUM FOR CHILD RIGHTS PROMOTION NIGERIA
